In very emotional states or acting in a codependent manner we don’t usually make the best choices. To help you become more objective about
your choice, ask yourself this question, “Is what I’m about to do fair?”. If you feel like you don’t have a choice (which we always do) it probably won’t be
your best decision.
When we become very emotional we usually tend to depress our cognitive abilities. This often leads to regret when our emotions settle down and our logic returns. This is why objectivity often leads to better decisions. Calling a friend or talking to someone more objective when you are feeling intense emotion and pressure to do something often a very wise choice. Sometimes when we are being codependent with another person we seem blinded to logical choices and frequently make emotional choices that “enable” the other person to continue poor or inappropriate behaviors. The
deception is that it seems so right or like the only choice we can make for someone, when in reality we are keeping them from the consequences of their choices.
For examples John gets drunk and Sally, his wife, makes excuses to his supervisor when he calls, or a 20 year old won’t get off the couch and look for a job but says home using up the family resources. In the first case one may fear the husband will lose his job. In the second the son may get angry or turn to drugs of alcohol if he has to get out on his own and he is not ready. In both cases, and many more examples, one should think seriously about the possible consequences, but if no “boundaries” are set why would the behavior not continue? And let’s be honest, you know you are getting more and more resentful them. How is that helping the relationship? There is no more through teacher than experience. Be objective and set healthy boundaries in relationships.
Use this card to..
- Get a more objective look at the problem you are addressing.
- Remind you to get outside yourself when you feel too much emotional pressure to make a decision too quickly
- Clarify healthy boundaries when you feel you are taking on too much in a relational interaction